For military families, relocating isn’t just a possibility; it’s a constant reality. Permanent Change of Station (PCS) orders often arrive every few years, and children in military households move significantly more than their civilian peers, sometimes six to nine times before graduating high school.
While adults may focus on the logistics of each move, for children, these transitions are deeply emotional. Leaving behind schools, friends, routines, and cherished belongings can stir up stress, anxiety, and even grief. But with the right approach, military parents can help their children develop resilience and find comfort in the process.
Here’s how to support your child emotionally and practically through frequent moves and keep the magic of childhood intact, no matter where duty calls.
Start with Open and Honest Communication
Children need to know what’s happening, even if they don’t yet understand all the details. Start talking about an upcoming move as soon as it’s confirmed. Be honest and use age-appropriate language to explain why the move is happening and what changes they can expect.
For younger children, storybooks, play-acting, or drawing about the move can help them process the change. Older children and teens might benefit from being more involved in discussions, such as looking at pictures of the new place or reading about their new school district.
Let them ask questions and be ready to listen. Some may react with sadness or anger; others may pretend not to care. All of it is normal. Simply validating their feelings can go a long way in easing anxiety and building trust.
Stick to Routines Where Possible
One of the biggest stressors for kids during a move is the disruption of daily life. Familiar routines from bedtime rituals to mealtimes provide a sense of stability and safety. Keeping these as consistent as possible before, during, and after a move can offer comfort amid the chaos.
Even during the packing process or a long road trip to the next location, try to maintain elements of routine. Bring a favorite bedtime book, sing your usual goodnight song, or hold onto your weekend pancake tradition, even if it happens in a hotel room. Keeping non-essential but familiar household items in temporary storage can help you reestablish your routine more quickly once you’re settled, without overloading the move itself.
Honor Their Attachments
Children form deep attachments to their environment, not just people, but places and things. A bedroom wall, a special tree in the yard, or a classroom cubby can all hold emotional weight.
Before leaving, help your child say goodbye in meaningful ways. Take photos of their favorite spots, create a memory book, or allow them to keep a small memento, like a rock from the backyard or a note from a friend.
Preserving treasured items, such as artwork, old toys, or yearbooks, can also offer children a tangible connection to their past, especially when there isn’t room to bring everything to the next home. Portable items like familiar toys, books, or play structures provide children with a sense of continuity and emotional security, helping them feel grounded during frequent relocations.
Give Kids a Role in the Move
When children feel helpless, anxiety tends to rise. You can help mitigate this by giving them some control in the process.
Let them pack a “first night” bag with their favorite items, a stuffed animal, books, pajamas, snacks, or pictures. Encourage older children to label or decorate their moving boxes, or even choose the theme or layout for their new room.
These small decisions help children feel involved and respected. It turns the move into something they’re a part of, not just something that’s happening to them.
Create Special Goodbyes
Saying goodbye is hard, but skipping it can make the loss feel more painful later. Help your child create closure by organizing a small gathering with friends, writing letters to teachers or classmates, or making a video with goodbye messages.
Some families create “goodbye boards” where children write what they’ll miss most, or exchange friendship bracelets or contact cards with friends. For school-aged children, this can also be a good time to create a contact list or email chain so they can stay in touch, even if time zones make regular chats tricky.
Help Them Reconnect in the New Place
Settling into a new location is a critical part of the emotional journey. As a parent, your role in helping kids rebuild connections is essential. Take time to explore the new community together, visit the library, scout out local playgrounds, attend family-friendly events, or sign up for extracurriculars and sports.
When kids make friends or find activities they enjoy, their new environment starts to feel less foreign and more like home.
If your child is having trouble adjusting, don’t hesitate to seek out support. Military bases often have counselors or parenting resources, and many schools are equipped to help new students transition smoothly.
Celebrate the Adventure
Military life isn’t easy, but it does have a silver lining. Children learn adaptability, independence, and cultural awareness from a young age. Celebrate those strengths! Frame each move as a new adventure and encourage your child to collect experiences like souvenirs.
Create a “travel wall” with maps showing each place you’ve lived, or keep a journal titled Our Family’s Journey. You might start a family ritual like buying a magnet from each new city or planting something symbolic in each new home.
When kids start to see themselves not as someone who’s lost a home, but as someone who’s gained a world of experiences, their confidence grows, and so does their resilience.
Home is More Than a Place
As a military parent, your children may not have one hometown, but they will have a powerful sense of family, adaptability, and strength. With thoughtful preparation and a nurturing presence, you can help your children carry not just memories but a deep sense of security wherever life takes you.
After all, home isn’t just where you live, it’s where you feel loved, safe, and seen. And with you by their side, your children will always be home.